It wasn't me that just ate 6 pieces of toast. With real butter.
And I didn't snoop to make sure Charlie wasn't watching the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader tryouts.
And it wasn't I that gave the baby a spatula to chew on as he stood naked in the bathroom while I tried to get ready this morning.
And I don't like chocolate.
It wasn't me that called the old lady a Ding Dong when I was in a hurry to work.
It wasn't me that forgot to get formula last night and had to get it this morning, making us all late.
And I didn't force feed the baby 2 bowls of spaghetti right before bed to try and get him to sleep better.
I didn't forget to call and cancel my dental appointment.
I didn't toss my gum wrapper down in the parking lot, either.
And I would never prance around in front of my husband in cute jammies and then refuse him when I'm mad.
My toenails are fully polished.
I'm not wearing a $40.00 red lace bra and mint green granny panties with a hole in the side.
I washed my hair this morning.
It wasn't me that used a Sharpie when my eyeliner ran out.
And it DEFINATELY was not me that shoved the dirty roaster pan back into the oven when I saw my mom pull up in the driveway.
It wasn't her roaster, either.